Push Harder!

John 14:27New International Version (NIV)

²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

It has been 6 months now since my last post.  Having a little one who is now 18 months needs all of my attention. All I can say about my life is wow! God has been so good to me.  Blessings upon blessings! A lot has gone on in the last 6 months.  I lost my dad on July 3, 2014, he was a wonderful man. He will truly be missed!

It has now been 1 year and 2 months since I have been diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension and was taken out of work for this disability. I thought that being home with this disability was going to take me out. I started to get depressed, worry and fear tried to overtake me, I started feeling sorry for myself. But God! He always has the last word, if you are willing to listen to it.  I made a decision many years ago that I will put God first and listen to what He has to say. Not how I feel or what is going on in my life. He knows what is best!

Living with Pulmonary Hypertension is a daily struggle for most of us that has it, but I have learned that with (PH) it means for me to (Push Harder) to live. I wake up with a daily routine that helps me feel alive again. Back in March I decided to put my son back into daycare so that I can learn how to focus on getting me back on track. I needed to start finding ways that I can better me as a person so that I can be that wife, mother, daughter and friend to those that I love so much.

For those that does not know what Pulmonary Hypertension is: Pulmonary hypertension (PULL-mun-ary HI-per-TEN-shun), or PH, is increased pressure in the pulmonary arteries. These arteries carry blood from your heart to your lungs to pick up oxygen.

PH causes symptoms such as shortness of breath during routine activity (for example, climbing two flights of stairs), tiredness, chest pain, and a racing heartbeat. As the condition worsens, its symptoms may limit all physical activity.

Pulmonary Hypertension is a daily struggle for me, but I do not allow it to cripple me. I’ve learned to make adjustments in my life that will allow me the best quality of life. Being at peace with who I am and loving me is the first order of my life. If I do not love me, who will? I am very happy with the life that I have been given. Don’t allow the negative things that may have happened to you to define your happiness, be at peace with your life. John 14:27 Jesus has promised to give me peace, not as the world gives.

Until we meet again be at peace for I am at peace!

 

The Worship Experience!

Have you ever asked yourself what is worship, and why do I worship?

Worship--Reverent (deep love and respect) honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage or to any object regarded as sacred (intense love & passion).

We worship because God has commanded us to worship him and this is how we get closer to God and enter into His presence.  (Psalm 42:1-2) As the deer pants for streams of water so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?  This is worship, when you desire, thirst, have a deep passion to go to a place where it is just you and God. You don’t worry about who is looking at you; you are in a place that secret place with no one else but you and Him. When you worship you may experience tears of joy, deep thankfulness, when you go deeper there are all types of feelings.  Your emotions are so deep others will not know what is going on. You may jump, run, raise your hands, and kneel wherever God takes you this where you will go. You go so far into the presence of the Lord nothing but peace and joy engulfs you.

Looking at King David how he danced before the Lord with all his might, Sauls daughter was upset because of how he danced and said to her I will celebrate before the Lord.  I will become even more undignified than this (2 Samuel 6:14-23). When we are in the presence of the Lord we can’t worry about who is looking at us or what others are saying.  We can’t be ashamed of him or He will be ashamed of us. (Mark 8: 38)

How do we get there to that place of worship and deep intimacy with God?  By wanting to go! Asking God to take you deeper with Him, It’s not about you it’s about being in his presence.  Being obedience to what he has commanded us to do.

Different types of worship:

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Love the Lord your God with all your hearts and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Exodus 23:25 Worship the Lord your God and his blessing will be on your food and water.  I will take away sickness from among you.

Psalm 100:1-5 shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.  Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.  Know that the lord is God.  It is he who mad us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.  Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the lord is good and his love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations.

God wants all of us for He is a jealous God, Deuteronomy 6:15.

Be Still and Know!

Be still and listen

Be still and hear

Be still for that small voice that whispers in your ear

Be still and know it’s tried and true

Be still and know Jesus is watching over you

Be still and know His love is so dear

Be still and know His love for you is like no other

Be still and know He sees your tears

Be still and know He really cares

Be still and know, no sorrow so deep He will take from the weak

Be still and know, He washing your pain

Be still and know and hear Him say, I love you my dear just the same

Breaking The Chains Of Bondage!

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

The bondage of hate, hate of being here, hate of the world around me, hate for my brothers and my sisters

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

The bondage of bitterness that was caused, not being able to achieve things in life because

Trials and tribulations that was put upon me

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

The chains that have me bound where I am unable to escape from the things that causes me to do the things I do not want to do

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

Oh tell me is there anyone, anything that holds the key to these chains that keep me

Is there a way out, out of this dark and cold world

Is there hope, is there any trust

Oh please someone tell me

My world is so dark I cannot see

So much hate, so much misery

So much so much I cannot see

I heard of a man who died on Calvary that holds that key to eternity

His name is Jesus won’t you come and set me free

6/21/98

A Childs Cry For Help!

Why is there so much pain so much agony

Why do I not feel so worthy  

So many question can someone please tell me

I am only a child oh can’t you see

I should not have to face this pain that’s within me, why must it be

So dark, so dark within me

One day up one day down always going round and round

Can someone please answer this question for me

I am only a child of can’t you see

Molested by many I thought I can trust; beat by those I thought I could love

Why me why me I am only a child oh can’t you see

Pain within I tried to hid my life is filled with such a dark side

I am only a child oh can’t you see

Forced to grow up at such a young age, being a child not knowing where to go

A mothers child was call many name 

Words cut so deep, deep like a knife into my heart that one cold night

I am only a child oh can’t you see the pain is so evident come rescue me

5/16/04

A change is coming!

John 15:1-8
 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

During this winter season it is a time of reflection, a time to re-evaluate things around us. I look at all the seasons that God has created and He has created something so awesome. Many of us wish that we can have warm and hot seasons all year round. There are many places that are like that. With this cold weather among us we do not want to dare to go outside in that frigid air and freeze. But we know that we must brave it and get out into it for one reason or another. This is life! We all experience cold frigid seasons in our spiritual life. We all go through natural seasonal changes of the weather, and we also experience spiritual changes. We need to be able to recognize these changes that are going on in our lives. 

We may ask God why am, I going through these changes.  Seasons represents the full cycle of our life! Seasons of change helps us to grow, become more mature in Christ and to get closer to God. God is birthing a new season in your life! With changes comes a pruning, a cutting away of old, rotten, dry areas of our life, bringing forth change. In order to make the change in our spiritual walk we need to change our habits. We need to allow the spiritual cutting away of our hearts and the things that should not be in our life. We need to recognize that there are things in our life that God is trying to bring change to. We fight the changes that are coming. We want to be blessed, we want a deeper walk with God, we want many different things but what are we willing to give up, to get what God has for us.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.”  Even though seasons in our life changes, God’s truth remains the same, His Word will not pass away.

There is a purpose a reason why we go through a pruning, and cutting away. This makes room for new growth to start coming out.  If you look at the season’s spring, summer, autumn, and winter our life is structured like these seasons. We have times of great beauty, we are full of life. Then things start changing for us. We go through that autumn season where things start to change. If we are not rooted in God’s word when that cold winter season comes we may not survive.  We all know how to adjust with the physical seasons that come every year because we know the cycle. We know for the most part what to expect and how to prepare and adjust for these changes. But when it comes to life’s changes we do not know how to prepare for the Spiritual changes.  The question we need to ask ourselves, what season am I living in right now? What is God trying to prune to remove out of my life?

We have all gone through these seasons in our lives.  We will not always have sunny days! What will you do when you experience those days when you fall and become cold. How do you stay vibrant, how do you enjoy the seasons of joy, and peace? The answers is staying in God’s word and pray daily, worship and praising God during your seasons of life.

A change is coming!

Be Still!

2 Corinthians 12:8-10
⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Going through trials and tribulations is very difficult for everyone. I know I’ve been through many hard and difficult times in my life. I at times would doubt that God is real because of things that I had to and still need to endure. But each and every time I questions things about why me, God always knows how to answer me.

A few weeks ago I went on a five day fast and during my fast time I started reflecting back over my life. Where I have been and where I am now! I can truly say that most of all my dreams, things I wanted in life God has given to me. Even though I went through heartache and pain, experienced abuse I still got what I asked for. But I also know now that if I had an easy life without trials and tribulations I would not have a close relationship with God. I would be living my life my way without God being the center of my life. So for me I am embracing trials and tribulations because just like Paul when I am weak, then I am strong in the things of Christ Jesus.

Last week I was not feeling very well and I decided I wanted to go to the Dr’s.  I changed my mind because the way I was feeling I just knew I needed to go to the hospital. They kept me for a few days. The first day I was there I had a roommate that I thought had mental issues. So I though! She introduced herself I was not to particular to speak with her, but my husband spoke with her. I thought I am not interested in speaking to a nut. Here I am again thinking about self. But God had other plans for me. After my husband left she started telling me what was going on with her. Her name was Mary! Mary has been having severe shaking all over her body for over 24 hours where she cannot sleep nor eat. Her Doctor did not know why this was happening. Because I’ve worked in the medical field for eleven years I suggested that she put a request to see a neurologist sounded like a nerve issue. She contacted her daughter to call her doctor to put a request in to see one. That night she has gotten so bad that the nurses even thought like I did she was psychotic. But God put me in a situation where I thought she fell on the floor. I call the nurse to come and help her up, but she told me she needed to pray. The nurse came in and put her in a chair and left so I proceeded to rub her back and God had me pray over her. I prayed that Gods healing power will take over and that whatever is hidden will be exposed. I prayed that God will reveal to the doctors what is wrong with her. The next day I helped her eat, wiped her down, and cleaned up whatever mess she has made. I continued to pray for her and later the Chaplin from the hospital came to also pray with us. Later the neurologist came in told her what the problem was and changed her meds. A friend of mine called and also prayed with Mary. A few hours later Mary received her miracle she was up walking, talking and was not shaking at all. Not knowing that the nurses and others were standing in the door the night before listened as I prayed for Mary and they saw the miracle and said the power of prayer really works.

God will put you in a situation that you may not feel comfortable in but it is better to be obedient to His voice. I was ready to put a request to be moved to another room but God gave me peace. I try to pray before I do anything and wait on His direction.

Whatever you go through in life it is not to hider nor weaken you, it’s to strengthen you. Trust and rely on God always!

Hold on!

Isaiah 41:9-11 ⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. ¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ¹¹ “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.

God knows what I need and when I need it; His word is so awesome and mighty. Whenever I am going through some dark days in my life He speaks to my spirit. He is truly my comforter, and teacher. So many times I want to walk out and do my own thing but the Holy Spirit steps in right on time. Sometimes we may feel as though God is not listening to our prayers but rest ashore He knows when the perfect time to restore all that the devil has stolen.

I have started a five day fast on January 14^th all I can say is wow God is really teaching me some deep things. Taking this time out with prayer and fasting I’m seeking for revelation and restoration for my life. It is so important that we take what we are going through and totally turn it over to our Heavenly Father who cares deeply for us. I’m learning more and more the importance of pray, and fasting along with praise, and being a giver all these things are causing my faith to increase. When we learn how to do these things the power of our faith will break anything that satan had placed in our lives.

I want to remind you to hold on to Gods promises, He promises never to leave us Hebrews 13:5 ⁵ Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” And to always trust in the Lord; Proverbs 3:5-6 ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct  your paths.

Turn your problems over to God and start praising your way out!

Dare to Dream Again!

Habakkuk 2:2-3 ² Then the Lord answered me and said: “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. ³ For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

I was never a person who wrote things down, I kept everything to myself in fear someone would know my life’s story so I kept it a secret between me and God. When I was young I use to do a lot of daydreaming about my life, what kind of life I would love to have. Because being so depressed growing up dreaming helped me deal with my loneliness, fears, and sadness. It would take me places that would make me feel safe and far away from my problems. I was a dreamer! The dreams that I had I never knew they would come true so that’s all I had. Over the years the dreams that were so pressing on my heart was fulfilled to this day. I thank God every chance I can, looking back over His blessings He has given to me.

Now that life happened and I became sick somehow over the years I stopped dreaming. My last dreams that I wanted in life was too marry the man of my dreams and have another child and this was fulfilled 2013. Now I am here, asking myself this question do I dare to dream again with the health challenges that I have. My life feels as though I have nothing more to dream about. But God answered me during these questions to myself and said, “Dare to Dream Again and watch what I will do.” I have always been a motivator and a go getter and got what I wanted in life. So now the next dream that I have is to write my story and encourage everyone that life is what we make it. We have a choice to be happy where we are and not to give up on our dreams. Your dreams may need to be adjusted just a little, but dreams can become real if you yourself believes in them.

I am starting to write my dreams down this way I can see them manifest into reality. My biggest dream is to live a long life and see my son grow up and get married and have children like my oldest son. I want to be around to see all my grandchildren and great grandchildren. If I want long life I must speak it into existence and be positive and think positive thoughts.

This one thing I know, no one can take your dreams away, it is a gift from God who allows us all to dream. Whether big or small your dreams are your dreams believe in them!

Beauty of the Lord!

Psalm 27:4

⁴ One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.

 

Check Yourself!

Now that I have been home for 7 months, I’m learning how to check myself, to make sure that everything that I do and say lines up with the word of God. God had to show me some things that I could not believe was in me. I was in denial! God had to show me to me! I needed to look at myself in a spiritual mirror and I did not like what I saw. I did not realize that I was very judgmental; I was very jealous and envious of others, and had a prideful heart. I did not want to see for myself but God had to force situations on me to humble me. I thought that I was living my life according to His word. But not so, He showed me there are things that needed adjusting. Like my heart! He will bring you down to rebuild you up again. My daily prayer to God was, search my heart Lord and if there is anything that is not of you to please reveal it and change me according to your will. I asked Him to purge and purify my heart. Well this is what He did and still is doing. Changing me! Be careful of what you ask God for because you will have to go through some things to get it.

The day God spoke to me I was washing dishes back on July 2013 and was on the phone talking to my sister. She was telling me about some great things that have been happing to her. I could not believe how jealousy and envy rose up in me. I was jealous that she had a job and I did not, I’m home with the (d) word disability. She also has many friends and could talk to people and I don’t have that. Not working anymore and not being around others really hurt to the core. I miss that!

After hanging up the phone tears started streaming down my face and I got very angry at God. I asked Him why am I here, why did you take me out of work and make me sick, and away from people? Well here is that spiritual mirror God had to show me.

He said, “You were working, around people! But what did you do when I gave you this? You did not share my word you chose to shut the door and not get involved with others. You put yourself high on a pedestal and looked down at others. I blessed you with a manager’s position to be able to build relationships. You thought you were better than they were. Your heart was filled with pride!”

Wow! That hurt when your Heavenly Fathers tells you these things. Now that God showed me, me, daily I’ve been working on the heart change. You cannot change by yourself you must have the Holy Spirit to be your teacher, and counselor in all areas of your life.

Psalm 139:23-24 ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; ²⁴ And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

If you want to have that relationship with God be willing to check yourself and watch what happens!

Look up to God

Psalm 121:1-2
1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

In a secret place!

Psalm 27:5

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁵ For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

Take Daily Steps To Survive!

No one said life is going to be easy, we must take the steps to get to where we want to go in life. One step at a time!

Life can become sticky at times!

Lifes trials can be very painful but hold on something beautiful will come out in the end.

Why Me?

Why me? We may ask ourselves this question whenever bad things happen to us! I know I have been asking this question for many years. Now that I have been home for 6 months pondering this question I'm learning how to embrace life differently. Life is what we make it in some ways. Yes we may have challenges with sicknesses that cause us not to work and or enjoy the things we use to but I choose to live. Not only for myself, but I have a family that loves me and needs me as well as I need them.

In the book James 1:2-7 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

This is where I find hope in the Lord for He is my strength.

Who am I?

I am Angelia a 47 years old stay at home mom not by choice. I have a terrific and supportive husband and two wonderful boys, my oldest is 28 years old and the youngest is just 10 months. Yes I said 10 months! I also have two wonderful granddaughters, one 5 years old and the other 3 years old.

I have gone through great struggles in my life I don’t even know how I even came through them all.  All I know is it was by the grace of my Heavenly Father walking with me through them all. I’ve been abused, physically and mentally and also molested.  My life has had great challenge’s that has caused me to go the wrong way in life. I’ve never done drugs nor smoked nor drank. I was very depressed most of my childhood to adult life. I was lost in a world where I felt unloved. I felt unimportant to family and friends; I felt a need to love the unlovable and loved the wrong way.

When I was 20 years old I thought many times to commit suicide, but one day in my bedroom I was watching TV where there was a ministry on and that’s when I heard God voice.  I’ve been walking with Him ever since. Was I still depressed? Yes I was! But through the involvement of church and being around a community of believers I learned to read and know God more deeply and my pain slowly went away.

My life turned around for the better so many would say yea right! I got married this year 2013 and my son was born. I have suffered for over 10 years with Sarcoidosis lung disease and now on June 1, 2013 went into the hospital with leg and feet swelling along with shortness of breath.  This is when my life took a turn around when my Dr told me I now have Pulmonary Hypertension and I can no longer work.  My life just flashed before my eyes.  What? I can no longer work again. Tears just started to fall down my face.  I’m thinking I did not sign up for this, a stay at home mom. I thought my job was to be a help mate for my husband. 

For 6 months I have now been home! I have cried so many tears that I can take a bath in them.  But God through it all has been my comforter, my peacemaker, my guidance, my teacher and so many more. He is and has taught me through this struggle how to embrace this storm in my life. I’m learning patience most of all. To wait on Him!

Embrace life for life is what we make it!      

Who are you?

I use to ask myself this question many times! Who are you? I was lost in my identity, other people would identify me for me. I was a people’s pleaser, I did not know how to please myself. I wanted to be liked by many, but come to find out over the years they was not for me. I don’t have many that I can call a friend, I have people that I am associated with and that’s it. A friend will stick by your side through good and bad times not just when they need something.

I can truly say I have some terrific friends. 1st is God He is the best of the best. I can call on Him morning, noon and night, His line is never busy always there to listen and to give me direction, comforts me and so on. Then my husband who has been my dearest and the best before we even got married friends for 17 years and got married this year 2013. Then my girl Roz she is not only my friend but my spiritual mother and mentor. Then I have my sister Vicky and Sandra. When I just want to talk and laugh I can count on them. I’m missing Sandra she now moved away don’t talk as much but always thinking about her daily.

God will choose those he wants in our lives. He knows what’s best for me. I use to look at others and have envy because I did not have many friends like others. You can go shopping with friends, go out to lunch or dinner you know girly girl stuff. I’ve never had that and still don’t. I asked God why! He said He has set me apart for a reason. Well, you talk about getting angry and upset at Daddy! What? I said this is so lonely we all need friends. But He reminded me that He is my friend. But now I’m starting to get it. Whenever you have so many people around you it will distract you from hearing your Fathers voice. You will be to busy listening to garbage, junk in and junk out. People just like to gossip and God has taken me away from all of that. I must stay in His word and pray daily. Do His works! He will send people for a season in my life that may need encouragement and or prayer. Then they go on there way.

I am no longer a people pleaser I am a God pleaser!

Who are you? I found I am the child of the Most High King! That’s who I am!

Being In A Place Call The Unknown!

We all go through the unknown places in our lives! Places where we are not comfortable in, places that can bring confusion, disappointment, and pain.

This is where I am now, a place where I did not ever prepare myself to be.  Being in a place called the unknown! I never prepared myself to be a stay at home mom nor prepared to become sick now considered disabled.  Most of us go to school to get a good education, when we are finished hope to get a good job, and in hopes to build a family. Some are looking to buy a car, a house, put savings away to build for your future, ect., some even prepare to be a stay at home mom or dad. This is all good for those who have put thought in all these things even being a stay at home mom.

I look back on my life and when my oldest son was born I was a senior in high school and had a part-time job.  I had my family that helped me raise my son and he grew up becoming a wonderful young man. We all have choices in life and my chose was to work alongside my husband to help build our lives spiritually and financially.

What do you do when the unexpected comes along, that place called the unknown? I’m newly married we have a 10 month old son and I’m now a stay at mom not by choice with a disability. What do I do? Well I’ve been here now for 6 months and I cried all the tears that I can cry it’s now time to take my life back. Embrace what is in front of me. Embrace the fact that I am a stay at home mom now and I am alive I have a child that needs me to stay strong for him, and I have a loving husband that is so supportive of me.  Life is what we make it! Am I happy with what has happened to me becoming sick and all? No! What can I do about it? Nothing! But what I can do is change my thought life. I can walk, talk, and breathe, this is a start. I may not be able to do the things I use to do walk long distances, ride a bike, run up and down the stairs doing laundry. It may take me time to do some things but that’s ok, I have nothing but time on my hands.

What helps me through my days? Pray, reading Gods word, praise and worship, spending time with family and friends. I’m learning to embrace this place called the unknown because it’s making me into a better mother, wife, and friend.

Embrace life today for tomorrow is not promised to us we have today to live for!

Tea Time With God!

Why is this title called Tea Time with God you may ask? Good question! I needed to ask God this question for myself. God gave me this title back on December 11, 2011 and I did not know why. Gods answer to me was He wants me To Experience Away (T.e.a.) Time with Him! This is what He wants from us to experience Him and in order to experience Him we must take that time to get away from everything and everyone around us.  In the book of Psalms 91:1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I love sitting quietly and drinking me a nice hot cup of tea and think about Gods goodness. But He wants more of us; He wants us to go deeper into His presence. It’s about hearing His voice and allowing the Holy Spirit to be in control of every part of our lives. There is so much going on around us that we miss hearing His voice and God wants to speak to and through us. How do we do this? By asking!  Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. I had to learn how to continue to ask, seek, and knock in order to receive answers for my life. We try to fix things ourselves and we mess things up. We all want quick answers for our problems but if we learn to sit back and trust in God things will work out to His liking.  He knows what we need even before we ask Him.

I remember when I was dating this guy; we decided to get an apartment together. Everything was going so well in the beginning! After a few weeks of living together I was missing God I was brought up in the church but as an adult I slipped away. I decided to go back to church and the day I went to church it was communion and I took it, he told me I was not suppose to do that because we was living in a life of sin.  So I decided to call a family member and ask what I did was wrong. After I hung up the phone that’s when all hell broke loose, the beatings started.  He punched me so hard I fell and went sliding across the floor.  One night he took me to abandoned highway to try and run me over I ran for my life, you talk about a movie scene that it was. He’s pulled guns and knives out on me threatened to kill me. Beat me as though I was a man, punched me in the chest where I lost all breath in my body I thought I was going to die. But because I started seeking God with all of my heart only He, God saved me. One morning Friday the 13, April 1990 at 6:00 AM God stood over my bed while I was sleep and told me to leave now. I opened my eyes to see who spoke to me and that I knew it was God. I looked over to see if my ex was there he never came home so I said ok.  I called my mom to see if I can come home she said yes, my brother was home, and his friend was home with a truck. I moved out, and put everything in storage. Later that day I went to pick my son up from school and as I got to the school my ex was driving by. He got out of the car and asked how come I did not go to work and I told him I moved out and he said oh ok and walked away.  I have not seen him again.  I’m telling you this because it was nothing but the grace of God who spoke to me because I asked and He told me what to do. If I was not obedient I may not be here today. 

I learned that when you trust and believe in God, He will order my steps and everything will be perfect.

Trust God with all of your heart and He will direct you!

Choices!

We all have choices in life, whether good or bad, but we have them!  But what do you do when there are things in your life that you have no control over? Like getting laid off from your job and you cannot find another one to help pay your bills? What do you do when you have no money to feed your children? What do you do when you become sick and your Dr’s told you, you can no longer work?

There are two different types of people well and not so well! Those who are well they can make choices to do whatever they want throughout their day. They do not have to put real thought into getting up, eating, walking, doing their daily activities. But then there are not so well folks who must put forth great effort to do their daily activities. Like myself! As a stay at home mom not by choice, with a disability most people would see me and see that I look well there is nothing wrong with me. Well you are wrong! Dealing with PH with an enlarged heart and Sarcoidosis I must put great thought into the things that I do. I need to be careful in picking up my son, walking, do any housework, doing any form of physical activity I must put thought into it. I need to make sure my oxygen does not drop, need to prepare meals that are not high in salt. Every day and all day I need to monitor my oxygen level.

All of everything that I go through takes great thought and a choice on my part. I did not choose to be sick but I choose to take care of myself physical and mentally to live a good life. Has depression ever set in? You bet ya! But I choose to live and not die so I choose life over death. Death will come but not until I know that I gave my all to fight this fight.

• Proverbs 3:5-6 ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct^[a] your paths.
• Philippians 4:13 ¹³ I can do all things through Christ^[a] who strengthens me.
• Matthew 6:32-34 ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I speak Gods word over my life and circumstances daily because I chose to live.

The choice is yours speak over your life for it to lineup to God’s word and watch what will manifest!

The choice is yours!