Check Yourself!

Now that I have been home for 7 months, I’m learning how to check myself, to make sure that everything that I do and say lines up with the word of God. God had to show me some things that I could not believe was in me. I was in denial! God had to show me to me! I needed to look at myself in a spiritual mirror and I did not like what I saw. I did not realize that I was very judgmental; I was very jealous and envious of others, and had a prideful heart. I did not want to see for myself but God had to force situations on me to humble me. I thought that I was living my life according to His word. But not so, He showed me there are things that needed adjusting. Like my heart! He will bring you down to rebuild you up again. My daily prayer to God was, search my heart Lord and if there is anything that is not of you to please reveal it and change me according to your will. I asked Him to purge and purify my heart. Well this is what He did and still is doing. Changing me! Be careful of what you ask God for because you will have to go through some things to get it.

The day God spoke to me I was washing dishes back on July 2013 and was on the phone talking to my sister. She was telling me about some great things that have been happing to her. I could not believe how jealousy and envy rose up in me. I was jealous that she had a job and I did not, I’m home with the (d) word disability. She also has many friends and could talk to people and I don’t have that. Not working anymore and not being around others really hurt to the core. I miss that!

After hanging up the phone tears started streaming down my face and I got very angry at God. I asked Him why am I here, why did you take me out of work and make me sick, and away from people? Well here is that spiritual mirror God had to show me.

He said, “You were working, around people! But what did you do when I gave you this? You did not share my word you chose to shut the door and not get involved with others. You put yourself high on a pedestal and looked down at others. I blessed you with a manager’s position to be able to build relationships. You thought you were better than they were. Your heart was filled with pride!”

Wow! That hurt when your Heavenly Fathers tells you these things. Now that God showed me, me, daily I’ve been working on the heart change. You cannot change by yourself you must have the Holy Spirit to be your teacher, and counselor in all areas of your life.

Psalm 139:23-24 ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; ²⁴ And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

If you want to have that relationship with God be willing to check yourself and watch what happens!