Sleepless Nights!

How I lay here toss and and turn, another sleepless night here alone.

Oh how I miss my king, so strong and mighty

How I miss the man of God this be true

Hurry home my love to take

Even though away just a short time

It feels as though it will be a life time

Sleepless nights hurry and pass away 

You will no longer take my breath away

The man of god will soon be here 

To take the place of my empty air

Hold him tight is what I do

Hold him tight unlike my sleepless nights.

Patiently Waited For The Gift!

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

My husband is away on a business trip for 9 days. This is our first time away from eachother for this amount of time. 

My husband is a gift from God! He is just an amazing person all around. 

After being married twice in the past knowing neither one of them was not my soulmates. 

I met my husband back in 1996 we were co-workers I knew in my spirit he was to be my soulmate. I did not understand it because I was married to my ex-husband back then. I felt it so strong in my spirit! My husband and I became the best of friends, when others would see us they thought we were a couple. I did not understand that, we never went out on any private dates or anything. Strictly co-workers! He always liked me and I him but because I was married and he was engaged and he did get married, we never crossed that line. We never even expressed ourself in that way. During our friendship we never gave any hints that we liked one another. We met each others spouses, we was great friends. We lost contact with each other for about a year in a half. I separated from my ex-husband in 2006 got divorced 2007. I called my now husband back in July 1, 2007 a few months after my divorce, just to say hello. I knew his wife was pregnant, sadly to say she lost the baby and he to was divored. We remained good friends but over time we realized we was ment to be. We married in 2013 what a great union. After so many years of knowing he was my soulmate but because of fear and past rejections we did not want to ruin our friendship togeather. But God in His infinite ways He always know what is best!

Love is possible if you only believe and wait for God to place that right person in your life. I've learned over the years to wait patiently on the move of God. I was once broken but now I'm healed. God has given me a heart to forgive and to love those who has done harm to me. I tell everyone put all your hope and trust in Him not in others. Man will disappoint you but God will always love you!

Things can and will turn around!

Push Harder!

John 14:27New International Version (NIV)

²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

It has been 6 months now since my last post.  Having a little one who is now 18 months needs all of my attention. All I can say about my life is wow! God has been so good to me.  Blessings upon blessings! A lot has gone on in the last 6 months.  I lost my dad on July 3, 2014, he was a wonderful man. He will truly be missed!

It has now been 1 year and 2 months since I have been diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension and was taken out of work for this disability. I thought that being home with this disability was going to take me out. I started to get depressed, worry and fear tried to overtake me, I started feeling sorry for myself. But God! He always has the last word, if you are willing to listen to it.  I made a decision many years ago that I will put God first and listen to what He has to say. Not how I feel or what is going on in my life. He knows what is best!

Living with Pulmonary Hypertension is a daily struggle for most of us that has it, but I have learned that with (PH) it means for me to (Push Harder) to live. I wake up with a daily routine that helps me feel alive again. Back in March I decided to put my son back into daycare so that I can learn how to focus on getting me back on track. I needed to start finding ways that I can better me as a person so that I can be that wife, mother, daughter and friend to those that I love so much.

For those that does not know what Pulmonary Hypertension is: Pulmonary hypertension (PULL-mun-ary HI-per-TEN-shun), or PH, is increased pressure in the pulmonary arteries. These arteries carry blood from your heart to your lungs to pick up oxygen.

PH causes symptoms such as shortness of breath during routine activity (for example, climbing two flights of stairs), tiredness, chest pain, and a racing heartbeat. As the condition worsens, its symptoms may limit all physical activity.

Pulmonary Hypertension is a daily struggle for me, but I do not allow it to cripple me. I’ve learned to make adjustments in my life that will allow me the best quality of life. Being at peace with who I am and loving me is the first order of my life. If I do not love me, who will? I am very happy with the life that I have been given. Don’t allow the negative things that may have happened to you to define your happiness, be at peace with your life. John 14:27 Jesus has promised to give me peace, not as the world gives.

Until we meet again be at peace for I am at peace!

 

The Worship Experience!

Have you ever asked yourself what is worship, and why do I worship?

Worship--Reverent (deep love and respect) honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage or to any object regarded as sacred (intense love & passion).

We worship because God has commanded us to worship him and this is how we get closer to God and enter into His presence.  (Psalm 42:1-2) As the deer pants for streams of water so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?  This is worship, when you desire, thirst, have a deep passion to go to a place where it is just you and God. You don’t worry about who is looking at you; you are in a place that secret place with no one else but you and Him. When you worship you may experience tears of joy, deep thankfulness, when you go deeper there are all types of feelings.  Your emotions are so deep others will not know what is going on. You may jump, run, raise your hands, and kneel wherever God takes you this where you will go. You go so far into the presence of the Lord nothing but peace and joy engulfs you.

Looking at King David how he danced before the Lord with all his might, Sauls daughter was upset because of how he danced and said to her I will celebrate before the Lord.  I will become even more undignified than this (2 Samuel 6:14-23). When we are in the presence of the Lord we can’t worry about who is looking at us or what others are saying.  We can’t be ashamed of him or He will be ashamed of us. (Mark 8: 38)

How do we get there to that place of worship and deep intimacy with God?  By wanting to go! Asking God to take you deeper with Him, It’s not about you it’s about being in his presence.  Being obedience to what he has commanded us to do.

Different types of worship:

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Love the Lord your God with all your hearts and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Exodus 23:25 Worship the Lord your God and his blessing will be on your food and water.  I will take away sickness from among you.

Psalm 100:1-5 shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.  Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.  Know that the lord is God.  It is he who mad us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.  Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the lord is good and his love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations.

God wants all of us for He is a jealous God, Deuteronomy 6:15.

Be Still and Know!

Be still and listen

Be still and hear

Be still for that small voice that whispers in your ear

Be still and know it’s tried and true

Be still and know Jesus is watching over you

Be still and know His love is so dear

Be still and know His love for you is like no other

Be still and know He sees your tears

Be still and know He really cares

Be still and know, no sorrow so deep He will take from the weak

Be still and know, He washing your pain

Be still and know and hear Him say, I love you my dear just the same

Breaking The Chains Of Bondage!

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

The bondage of hate, hate of being here, hate of the world around me, hate for my brothers and my sisters

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

The bondage of bitterness that was caused, not being able to achieve things in life because

Trials and tribulations that was put upon me

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

The chains that have me bound where I am unable to escape from the things that causes me to do the things I do not want to do

Breaking the chains of bondage I must do

Oh tell me is there anyone, anything that holds the key to these chains that keep me

Is there a way out, out of this dark and cold world

Is there hope, is there any trust

Oh please someone tell me

My world is so dark I cannot see

So much hate, so much misery

So much so much I cannot see

I heard of a man who died on Calvary that holds that key to eternity

His name is Jesus won’t you come and set me free

6/21/98

A Childs Cry For Help!

Why is there so much pain so much agony

Why do I not feel so worthy  

So many question can someone please tell me

I am only a child oh can’t you see

I should not have to face this pain that’s within me, why must it be

So dark, so dark within me

One day up one day down always going round and round

Can someone please answer this question for me

I am only a child of can’t you see

Molested by many I thought I can trust; beat by those I thought I could love

Why me why me I am only a child oh can’t you see

Pain within I tried to hid my life is filled with such a dark side

I am only a child oh can’t you see

Forced to grow up at such a young age, being a child not knowing where to go

A mothers child was call many name 

Words cut so deep, deep like a knife into my heart that one cold night

I am only a child oh can’t you see the pain is so evident come rescue me

5/16/04